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Finally, a chance to breathe.<\/p>\n
I know. It snuck up on you, didn\u2019t it? It came to call after you\u2019d gone through the eight million Early Intervention appointments and put his program into place, or through the six thousand evaluations that led to services at a school you hope is more than just \u201cappropriate\u201d for your daughter. You know about the \u201cA\u201d in FAPE because while not doing therapy, laundry, or taking your child to yet one more evaluation you\u2019ve scanned the internet horizon like an eager addict, hoping for that next great hit that might somehow help your kid.<\/p>\n
The diagnosis was difficult but at the same time energizing- the differences in your son have a name, and now you can do something, which cut through that insipid dread that\u2019s been following you around like a remorseful ex. She\u2019s on the \u201cautism diet\u201d, you\u2019re giving her supplements, you\u2019ve explored safe alternative treatments and made a plan to try a few. Her therapists and teachers are in place, you\u2019ve even found a sitter you like so you can get the hell out once in a while. You\u2019ve dotted your \u201cI\u201ds and crossed your \u201cT\u201ds, and today you find yourself for the first time in a very long time with a couple of hours to yourself. And it hits you, how you\u2019ve put wanting to know your child\u2019s future on a shelf so you can function. You know that ironically all your efforts haven\u2019t been the hardest part- that\u2019s still to come.<\/p>\n
Now, it\u2019s time to wait.<\/p>\n
You may or may not be like me, a planner extraordinaire, which served me well as a former educator and even better as an autism mom. I admit I struggle sometimes to remain in the present, am always thinking a few steps ahead. You\u2019re realizing you can\u2019t really look that far down the road because he\u2019s changing every day, making progress, sometimes taking two steps back. It\u2019s too early to know if your eighteen-month-old son or four-year-old daughter will ever drive, fall in love, live safely and independently apart from you.<\/p>\n
But still, you want to know.<\/p>\n
Some people will tell you what you want to hear. They will compare your beautiful two-year-old boy to their second cousin\u2019s boyfriend\u2019s neighbor\u2019s son who was non-verbal and is now at MIT. They will tell you about their other clients who present just like your daughter who are now fully mainstreamed, talking, and have friends. They may not be so positive, as in the case of my eldest son\u2019s former therapist who laughed when I suggested he\u2019d one day read. At the time, he was two years old.<\/p>\n
He was reading complete sentences by four. And yup, still severely autistic.<\/p>\n
There is no crystal ball you can look into for these answers, although you\u2019d bargain your life for one. There will probably not be a single, defining moment like that one at the doctor\u2019s office with the annoying florescent light bulb that will change your life, where you will know what the future holds for your child. You won\u2019t know for years if your child will ever speak because sometimes it just happens as a teenager, along with all those changes typical kids go through too. If your child is in a self-contained class in kindergarten you won\u2019t know if he\u2019ll keep that placement forever, or one day shed his IEP. You won\u2019t know if he\u2019ll ever eat a vegetable.<\/p>\n
Fortunately, some things aren\u2019t as difficult to wait for as others.You won\u2019t know the answers to the big questions now, but I promise you someday you will. It may come gradually over time as it did for me with my oldest, realizing after years of intense therapy that despite his inherent intelligence he\u2019d always need care. It might come in a watershed moment like with my youngest son, where his beloved pre-school teacher suggested he\u2019d benefit from a partial day mainstreaming in kindergarten without an aide, citing the astounding progress he\u2019d made in two years at such a young age.<\/p>\n
And for the record, my sons are two of the happiest kids I have ever met.<\/p>\n
No, for now you have to wait, and it\u2019s hard, so hard. Waiting will lurk in the corner with you like that person you should really unfriend on Facebook, relentless in its tenacity. If you let it it will consume you, rob you of the gift of the present, insinuate itself into every corner and crevice of your life until the waiting, the not knowing, is all-encompassing.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t let it. Don\u2019t let the waiting, the worry, the anxiety envelope you if you can help it. Revel in what he\u2019s accomplished, hell revel in what you\u2019ve accomplished for him. Relegate the future to a back shelf, somewhere cluttered enough that you can\u2019t spot it easily, and take everything day by day. So much will change over these next few years- struggles will be conquered, new challenges will present themselves. A goal you never thought she\u2019d attain will eventually be met. Others you thought were so important will go by the wayside, and it will be okay.<\/p>\n
You have the power, with how you choose to perceive things, to view this life as okay.<\/p>\n
Know you never have to wait to share in this vibrant, caring community.<\/p>\n
You are not alone.<\/p>\n
For more on my family visit my blog at autismmommytherapist.wordpress.com<\/em><\/p>\n Follow me on Facebook at Autism Mommy-Therapist<\/em><\/p>\n