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I know. You\u2019re in the middle of what\u2019s been called \u201csiege mode,\u201d and it\u2019s hell. You don\u2019t know if your son will survive it. You don\u2019t know if you will pay enough attention to his little sister ever again. You don\u2019t know if you will survive it.<\/p>\n
You just want your life back. Even with autism, there is a \u201cnormal.\u201d<\/p>\n
Things were going pretty well. Maybe you\u2019d heard a few words recently. Perhaps a good school report came home, another positive one in a long string of happy days for your daughter. Maybe your five-year-old son has been sleeping through the night for months. Your daughter ate a vegetable, kept it down, and the apocalypse did not occur.<\/p>\n
Maybe you let your guard down, just a little.<\/p>\n
And then one day, it happened. Just the once. Maybe you watched in horror as your son banged his head upon a wall. Your daughter, who\u2019d been sleeping like an angel, was up half the night. Your son pinched you hard for the first time in six months.<\/p>\n
You\u2019ve told yourself the behavior is just an anomaly, an outlier of autism. You tell yourself it won\u2019t rear its ugly head again.<\/p>\n
Except, it does. And it decides to stick around.<\/p>\n
Whatever it is, the head banging, the pinching, the lack of sleep, the aversion to ever leaving the house, it takes up unwelcome residence once again, or perhaps this behavior is new. By now you know the drill. You consult your son\u2019s behaviorist. You talk to your daughter\u2019s neuropediatrician about upping her meds, or perhaps going through the long waiting period of a new one. You go online. You talk to your \u201cautism friends.\u201d You argue with your husband about how to make it stop.<\/p>\n
You know you\u2019ve conquered other extreme challenges in the past, but this time, you are tired.<\/p>\n
You are always so damn tired.<\/p>\n
I know you\u2019re tired, because I\u2019ve been there too.<\/p>\n
It took years before my eldest son, who is severely autistic, learned how to sleep through the night, but when that one was conquered, it finally stuck. We had regression after regression with potty training, but by age six accidents were few and far between.<\/p>\n
One day I even got him to trade some carbs for salad, and lightning did not strike.<\/p>\n
The aggression comes and goes, but for the last few years, thankfully, it\u2019s mostly quelled. The OCD, his companion diagnosis, well we view that as another permanent resident, our third child. We\u2019ve just come through a particularly difficult stretch of two years, enduring a myriad of behavior plans and multiple medication attempts. Finally, we hit the jackpot. Finally, he stopped organizing every non-bolted-down object in our house in his unhappy and frenzied attempts to impose his order on everything, and we saw our predominantly happy boy returned to us. Finally, my husband and I began once again to breathe.<\/p>\n
Finally, we returned to \u201cour normal.\u201d<\/p>\n
Right now, I know you\u2019re in the throes of it. You want so much to help her, but you\u2019re not sure you ever will. You\u2019re exhausted. You\u2019re resentful. You\u2019re guilty about being resentful.<\/p>\n
You just want it to stop.<\/p>\n
People will ask you how he\u2019s doing, and you find it easier to plaster that smile on your face and say \u201che\u2019s fine\u201d rather than trying to describe his newest obsession. You just can\u2019t explain to a mom of a typical kid how much your heart is hurting for your daughter. You continue to work, or volunteer. Even at your breaking point there\u2019s still laundry to do, meals to make, errands to run. You put on a smile when you run into your other child\u2019s teacher at the grocery store. You try not to fight too much with your husband. Sometimes, you feel like giving up.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t.<\/p>\n
I am now the mom of a severely autistic thirteen-year-old, and even after almost a decade-and-a-half of living in autism land I\u2019ve seen few things that universally affect all families. Perhaps the only thing everyone agrees upon is that Early Intervention helps.<\/p>\n
That, and getting your autistic kid to sleep is a win-win for all.<\/p>\n
But I\u2019ve seen this in my own home, and in my friends\u2019 homes. I\u2019ve heard countless stories of acquaintances\u2019 autistic children, and read my favorite bloggers\u2019 posts online. There is, perhaps, one more universal other than early therapy and unconsciousness.<\/p>\n
Most of the time, behaviors come and go in cycles.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll say it again. Most of the time, the behaviors come and go in cycles.<\/p>\n
Often, with patience, time, the right therapy, the right medication (or all of the above,) we can help our kids. We can alleviate the most egregious symptoms of whatever is causing them, and us, such torment.<\/p>\n
We can return to our normal.<\/p>\n
So wherever you are in this latest siege, don\u2019t give up hope.<\/p>\n
Maybe it\u2019s been a few weeks. Maybe it\u2019s been months.<\/p>\n
Maybe it seems like it\u2019s gone on forever.<\/p>\n
Take each challenge one step at a time. Rally all your resources. Ask for help. Remember to take care of yourself.<\/p>\n
Again, remember to take care of yourself.<\/p>\n
And breathe.<\/p>\n
For more on my family visit my blog at autismmommytherapist.wordpress.com<\/em><\/p>\n Follow me on Facebook at Autism Mommy-Therapist<\/em><\/p>\n