{"id":10956,"date":"2017-05-15T10:03:42","date_gmt":"2017-05-15T14:03:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shorebeat.com\/brick\/?p=10956"},"modified":"2017-05-15T10:03:42","modified_gmt":"2017-05-15T14:03:42","slug":"birthday-boy-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/2017\/05\/birthday-boy-4\/","title":{"rendered":"Birthday Boy"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

My dearest Justin,<\/p>\n

Last week you turned fourteen. It happened to be field day at your school, and your smile when you saw me waiting for you to perform was magnificent.<\/p>\n

That smile carries me many days.<\/p>\n

I usually have a variety of emotions on your birthday. I always take time to remember the first moment I heard your cry and held you in my arms- my firstborn, bright with promise. It took about three years and a lot of doctors to get you here, and your dad and I were beyond ecstatic when you graced us with your presence. Your arrival made us a family. It launched me into the role I was born into (if you believe in such a thing).<\/p>\n

The reason I\u2019m ambivalent on your birthdays has nothing to do with your \u201clabel,\u201d or even the dreams I had for you when I was still hosting you. I am mostly past feeling sad that you will never go to college, marry, or enjoy the trappings of a more \u201cconventional life\u201d (whatever that is these days), because in my mother\u2019s heart I know you don\u2019t miss these things. You are truly happy with your DVDs and your YouTube videos of Baby Einstein. When not in the throes of an OCD episode you are blissfully happy.<\/p>\n

Most days, it is enough.<\/p>\n

No, I\u2019m not ambivalent about your birthdays because of your \u201cnow.\u201d I\u2019m ambivalent because of your future. You see, birthday boy, your mom reads a lot, and talks to lots of people about what\u2019s coming down the pike as you enter your transition years.<\/p>\n

By the way, just yesterday you were snuggled into a perfect fit in my arms, so how did this happen?<\/p>\n

Some people call post-21 the cliff.<\/p>\n

Some say they\u2019ve been able to create fulfilling lives for their adult autistic children.<\/p>\n

I want you to know with every inch of my soul I\u2019m shooting for the latter.<\/p>\n

I also want you to know that last week I did something different- I pushed the ambivalence down and lived in the moment (!) and just reveled in who you are, did not imagine who you will be or what will happen to you.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m very, very proud of myself.<\/p>\n

You are strong, mercurial, funny, kind, smart, and abundantly affectionate.<\/p>\n

Your hugs are the best thing in the universe.<\/p>\n

I love you at every core of my being, and I will fight for you with my last breath.<\/p>\n

You are my heart.<\/p>\n

Happy birthday to my not-so-much-a-boy anymore.<\/p>\n

I love you.<\/p>\n

For more on my family visit my blog at autismmommytherapist.wordpress.com<\/em><\/p>\n

Follow me on Facebook at Autism Mommy-Therapist<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My dearest Justin, Last week you turned fourteen. It happened to be field day at your school, and your smile when you saw me waiting for you to perform was magnificent. That smile carries me many days. I usually have a variety of emotions on your birthday. I always take time to remember the first […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":196,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4,12],"tags":[293,295,294,1678,1362],"class_list":["post-10956","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-in-brick","category-ocean-county","tag-autism","tag-autism-acceptance","tag-autism-awareness","tag-baby-einstein","tag-birthday"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pgt2Ft-2QI","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10956","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/196"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10956"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10956\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10956"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10956"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10956"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}