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I sit back comfortably in my reclining chair, refusing an offer of coffee while accepting a copy of my son\u2019s latest IEP with the words \u201ctransitional plan\u201d in bold letters on top. He\u2019s fourteen now, my boy, a freshman in high school if his school did traditional grades, which they don\u2019t.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s in high school. It seems like just yesterday I was waiting for him to walk.<\/p>\n
Justin\u2019s in a wonderful school placement, has been for the last seven years. I feel very well-acquainted with the staff, and for me IEP meetings are a pleasure (don\u2019t hate me for being happy), an occasion to thank those who work with him.<\/p>\n
To date, there have never been any unpleasant surprises. I\u2019m knocking on wood as I write this.<\/p>\n
Within a few minutes the members of \u201cTeam Justin\u201d are assembled, and we begin the meticulous process of reading through all the goals the staff has for my boy, and an acknowledgement of all the goals he has acquired since last year.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s made strides, my son. He can now write his name more legibly. He can wait with another person when on a \u201cfield trip\u201d instead of running ahead to his desired destination (usually one with a carb, his mom gets it). He is beginning to vocalize more often than turning to his communicative device, and people can understand many of his hard-won words. He is learning to do chores.<\/p>\n
That one is my favorite.<\/p>\n
As the team digresses for a moment I take the opportunity to skim down one of the meticulously printed pages and get a preview of what\u2019s coming next.<\/p>\n
\u201cJustin will use both hands to type 5 5-letter words within 2 minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJustin will independently button and unbutton an item of clothing he\/she is wearing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJustin will demonstrate the ability to perform applicable instrumental activities of daily living including laundry, bedmaking, and cleaning skills.\u201d<\/p>\n
Yup, that last one makes me smile.<\/p>\n
It hits me as our team finishes their tangential conversation that if anyone had told me fourteen years ago while I held my hardwon IVF baby in my arms that his freshman year of high school I\u2019d be thrilled if he could learn how to take off a button-down shirt, I\u2019d have been devastated. As I held my big baby in my arms I had felt flooded with hope, anxiety that I\u2019d do this \u201cright,\u201d and excitement that my husband and I had finally pulled this off. We had a son. We were a family. My dreams centered around him being productive, safe, happy.<\/p>\n
And today, he is all those things, just in his own way.<\/p>\n
There will always be thing about my son\u2019s severe autism I will mourn. At some point every day I remember I won\u2019t be here his whole life, here to protect him, to comfort him, or give him his thousand hugs he requires on a daily basis. This fact is a constant source of sadness for me, one I shelve each day so I can function, and be the best mom and person that I can. If I could change this part of his autism, I would.<\/p>\n
And yes, this will annoy some people, but this is where I stand.<\/p>\n
But the truth is I no longer mourn the milestones he should be achieving at his age- learning the tenets of a new language; hopefully demonstrating an ability for math that mirrors his father\u2019s, not his mother\u2019s; generally driving both of his parents crazy.<\/p>\n
Okay, the last still translates sometimes even with severe autism.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m proud of him, just as proud as if we were contemplating him driving in a few years (one horror show we get to boycott, the perks of autism!). I\u2019m proud of his ramped up attempt at words. I\u2019m proud of his learning how to wait (still hard for his mom.) I\u2019m proud of his ability to hold back his frustration and use means other than aggression to communicate.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m proud that he\u2019s mine.<\/p>\n
And as I turn his statement of annual goals to the last page I acknowledge it\u2019s take me a long time to reach this pinnacle of peace, this acceptance of who he is, of where he\u2019s headed. It\u2019s a work in progress for me, this acceptance of things I can\u2019t control.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s one I believe I\u2019ll be working on for the next forty years.<\/p>\n
But in this moment there\u2019s peace. There\u2019s a child who\u2019s making tremendous progress in his own way, at his own pace.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a child who will soon be helping me with chores.<\/p>\n
Productive. Safe. Happy. And in this moment, I am grateful for it all.<\/p>\n
For more on my family visit my blog at autismmommytherapist.wordpress.com<\/em><\/p>\n Follow me on Facebook at Autism Mommy-Therapist<\/em><\/p>\n