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Last night I snuck out of my house on a Sunday night, left the kids to my husband, and had a fun and civilized meal with several of my autism mommy friends whom I\u2019ve known for years.<\/p>\n
I know, don\u2019t hate me. It was bliss.<\/p>\n
We haven\u2019t had the opportunity to do this in over a year, although we all keep in touch with one another through Facebook or in person. One of these amazing women will have her doctorate in a few months. Another has been an advocate for her son and other autistic people for decades. Yet another runs a bike camp for kids with autism with a phenomenal success rate of independence. All of us save one have two autistic kids each (we are very good at making people on the spectrum apparently). We are all coping in our various ways, optimistic yet realistic about our children\u2019s futures.<\/p>\n
We are also all very tired.<\/p>\n
For two hours we talked about autism and (amazingly!) other things, just reveling in being with people who \u201cget it,\u201d and not having to fulfill a single mand for a while (my autism peeps get that one). It was a glorious evening despite the weather, and we all vowed to not let so much time go by before the next one.<\/p>\n
I know that it is integral to my sanity to have these women in my life, and I do not exaggerate (not even a little).<\/p>\n
I\u2019m writing about this today because it is (still!) Autism Awareness Month, and my focus this year is on caretakers remembering they need to care for themselves too. Something I feel that is essential in surviving this autism gig is making friends with other parents of autistic children, and going one step further- making sure you connect with someone whose child has the same level of autism as yours. I have friends whose children are on the same end of the spectrum as my high-functioning child, and our conversations are necessary and yet bear absolutely no resemblance to the ones I have with my friends whose children reside on the more severe end of the spectrum. I\u2019ve found I need both perspectives to glean advice, vent, and have a conversation with someone who comprehends the long-term ramifications and the logistics of what I\u2019m discussing regarding each of my sons.<\/p>\n
Plus it is exceptionally fun to have at least a couple of people in my life I don\u2019t have to explain every single detail to. It leaves more time to eat and drink wine.<\/p>\n
Whether you\u2019re just starting out on this autism path with your child or you\u2019ve been in the trenches for a decade or more, try to make those connections. One of my sons is still friends with a boy we met in pre-school (I am tenacious in my relationship-building). Back in the day when my kids were little I often signed them up for events with our local autism organization, and I met a number of parents there. One I met through a contact who thought she\u2019d be a good person to speak to regarding our school district, and although I can\u2019t remember who set us up I am forever grateful we connected. With my more high-functioning kid I made friends through volunteering at school and in cub scouts. Sometimes a special education PTA meeting is a wonderful place to forge those bonds- even if your town doesn\u2019t have one the one a few towns over might. My kids\u2019 hairdresser wouldn\u2019t let me leave the shop one day until I cold-called a woman who also had autistic kids (trust me, major eye rolling ensued on my part) because she insisted we had to become friends, and she was right.<\/p>\n
I even inappropriately befriended all of my son\u2019s early intervention therapists. Hell, they were always at my house anyway.<\/p>\n
It will take time (which I know you don\u2019t have) to build these relationships, but I cannot stress enough how integral they are in both helping your child and helping you. No matter what stage your child is in you need a sounding board, someone who can help you make connections to assist your child, and\/or hopefully someone who just knows how to listen, won\u2019t make suggestions, and just lets you vent.<\/p>\n
Sometimes having the latter is imperative before you can even attempt the former.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re just starting out on this autism journey I know you\u2019re probably scared, overwhelmed, and of course, more than a bit tired. Try to reach out if you can and make friends. It will help alleviate your fears, reduce your stress, and benefit not only your child but you too in the end.<\/p>\n
Plus, it may actually end up being fun, and I\u2019m guessing you could use a little fun right about now.<\/p>\n
Find that person who\u2019s a good fit for you and reach out. If that doesn\u2019t work, try another. Pretend it\u2019s high school (God forbid!) and you\u2019ve got to just keep going until you find your niche.<\/p>\n
It will be worth it, I promise.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t give up.<\/p>\n
For more on my family visit my blog at autismmommytherapist.wordpress.com<\/em><\/p>\n Follow me on Facebook at Autism Mommy-Therapist<\/em><\/p>\n