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He stands alone in a corner of the dining room, having triumphantly liberated a toy from the garage I haven\u2019t seen him play with in years. It\u2019s a big material-covered cube replete with favorite nursery rhymes, and every side has something three dimensional to grab onto. I hear the sound of the spider string pulling and the familiar notes of \u201cItsy-Bitsy Spider\u201d roll through the house, followed by something far more important, my son\u2019s laugh. Not a chuckle. His big, loud belly laugh, a cacophony of sound I haven\u2019t heard from him in over a year.<\/p>\n
It is beautiful to hear.<\/p>\n
Justin has gone through so much these past twelve months, from spending hours a day frozen, to having his sleeping and eating impaired, to a return of the unwanted aggression that reared its ugly head for a while. I will be honest with all of you- this past year has been horrible. It\u2019s not only that I had to watch my child suffer. I had to witness him regress in many areas of conquered skills, and watch him lose any interest in his few activities outside of our home. I saw his personality diminish, observed his usual affectionate persona disappear.<\/p>\n
Frankly, it\u2019s been hell.<\/p>\n
We are not totally out of the woods yet. He still has some aspects of the movement disorder we\u2019ve come to believe is tics, but he is vastly improved, able enjoy his favorite pastimes again, the computer, his DVD player, his toys. We\u2019re finally getting to see some smiles again, and once in a while a laugh, which is restorative to my soul. I won\u2019t lie to all of you though- he is different. Not as playful as he once was, not as present, not as engaged in school as he used to be.<\/p>\n
I know Kim. Baby steps.<\/p>\n
Believe me, I am so grateful the renewed aggression has all but disappeared. His sleeping is back on track. He\u2019s now eating at least two good meals a day, and regained some of the weight he lost distressingly quickly this summer. He makes more eye contact now like he used to, and his words are slowly returning, albeit without the clarity they once had. He\u2019s doing better, but that exuberant joy has yet to be seen.<\/p>\n
And I will tell all of you, I want it back.<\/p>\n
Justin, as wonderful as he is, has been very challenging over the past fifteen years. Even at the worst points- insomnia, refusal to eat, refusal to potty train- he\u2019s still had that \u201cspark,\u201d that unique element that made him Justin. It seems to be dormant now except in brief flashes, flashes which seem to be returning in more frequency every week. Trust me, this is not an aspect of his personality that a casual observer would notice. But to those of us who teach him and love him, it\u2019s evident.<\/p>\n
And I\u2019m hoping that this trend we\u2019re seeing will bring us back full circle to our ebullient boy.<\/p>\n
Please keep your fingers crossed for him too.<\/p>\n
For more on my family visit my blog at autismmommytherapist.wordpress.com<\/em><\/p>\n Follow me on Facebook at Autism Mommy-Therapist<\/em><\/p>\n