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\u201cCan I help you?\u201d she said quietly, standing respectfully behind me as I tried to maneuver Justin off the ride at Great Adventure. I turned to make sure she was talking to me, saw her smile, and knew she was there to help. I was confident in another second or two I\u2019d have him out (he\u2019s big now, I wouldn\u2019t want anyone to hurt themselves), so I responded \u201cThank you, but I\u2019ve got this.\u201d She wished us a good night, and moved toward the exit.<\/p>\n
It was freezing there that day, but her offer warmed my heart.<\/p>\n
In the last two years particularly I\u2019ve had some issues with Justin when we\u2019ve been out and about in the community, and as he\u2019s gotten older and bigger it\u2019s at times been more and more difficult to contain him when I\u2019m alone with him. The last year until this past fall was especially grueling- we struggled at Jenks, at Great Adventure, at the movies, etc. You might wonder why I still kept taking him out. The truth is there were still many instances where he behaved beautifully, coupled with the fact that I\u2019ll be damned if his world becomes smaller than it already is.<\/p>\n
I have my limits.<\/p>\n
The times he\u2019s fought me have always been for a reason. Perhaps it was that he wanted to go on a ride he\u2019s been too tall to ride for five years. It might have been for a trip to a water fountain I couldn\u2019t see and thought he was just trying to leave. Perhaps he did just want to leave the venue just minutes after we\u2019d arrived.<\/p>\n
Sometimes I know the \u201cwhy,\u201d and sometimes I\u2019d pay big money for those answers.<\/p>\n
But truthfully in the moment I just want him to stop, and sometimes our \u201cwrestling\u201d can be intense. I\u2019ve had a few instances where I\u2019ve been soaked in sweat from the encounter, and I can\u2019t blame it on perimenopause.<\/p>\n
We all have to find the humor somewhere.<\/p>\n
Those episodes with him are physically and emotionally wrenching. I can honestly say in all the years we\u2019ve had this struggle I\u2019ve only had two offers of help with my son.<\/p>\n
Yes, two, and one was a Jenks \u201ccop,\u201d so I\u2019m not sure that really counts.<\/p>\n
Justin is bigger than me now. I\u2019m sure an autistic teenager in the throes of a meltdown is a scary sight for some. I completely understand why moms and dads with small children steered clear of us. I get it, I wouldn\u2019t put my kid at risk either.<\/p>\n
The truth is I\u2019ve watched some strapping young men glance our way and then give us wide berth. Honestly, I think this community can do better.<\/p>\n
It can\u2019t be from lack of awareness, for everywhere you turn in Jersey there\u2019s an autistic kid, so I\u2019m confident people knew what my son had. To be honest most of the time I can figure out a solution to his angst and work him through it.<\/p>\n
But there may come a day where I can\u2019t, and I would love it if someone simply offered to help.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not asking anyone to get physical with my kid. Perhaps you could just hold my purse, or his pretzel, or make a phone call home for me if things really get bad.<\/p>\n
Just knowing someone else gave a damn would have helped.<\/p>\n
I am far from the only person in this area who has gone through this. I\u2019ve seen other families struggle, and once on the boardwalk I was able to comfort the young sibling of an autistic boy in a gigantic meltdown while his mom worked to calm him down. I felt lucky to be there that day. She told me I helped her.<\/p>\n
It took five minutes of my life, and made that family have a better day.<\/p>\n
So I\u2019m writing this to our community, a community I have often written about as particularly caring and compassionate where my son is concerned. If you see a mom or dad struggling and you are able, please offer to help. Nine times out of ten they\u2019ll probably refuse, but maybe that one time you can really do something to ease that family\u2019s strife. And while there may be nothing you can physically do for them in that moment, trust me, just by asking them you\u2019ve already helped.<\/p>\n
From my community to the greater community at large, I thank you.<\/p>\n
For more on my family visit my blog at autismmommytherapist.wordpress.com<\/em><\/p>\n Follow me on Facebook at Autism Mommy-Therapist<\/em><\/p>\n