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Recently I celebrated the trifecta of weekends- my anniversary, Mother\u2019s Day, and my eldest son\u2019s sixteenth birthday, all within twenty-four hours.<\/p>\n
I am really quite tired.<\/p>\n
I have a teenager with severe autism, OCD, and tic disorder, and over the years I\u2019ve never really known how things would go on any given holiday. There have been years when we\u2019ve considered it a victory if we just made it through whatever meal we were supposed to be enjoying. There were years we wouldn\u2019t even make it to the meal without weathering some sort of crisis.<\/p>\n
I will admit there have been a few Christmases so soul-suckingly hard I\u2019ve ended the day in tears, and I am no longer a big \u201ccrier\u201d anymore.<\/p>\n
I have to say however that this past Sunday, both Mother\u2019s Day and my son\u2019s birthday, were as close to perfection as one can get in an autism family. Some of it was due to my son\u2019s behavior.<\/p>\n
And some of it was due to the kindness of a stranger whose name I will never know.<\/p>\n
That Sunday was a rainy mess, but I know my boy loves to get out of the house, so when I got back from church I decided to try to brave our town\u2019s iHop and give lunch a go. We got there and were told it would be a twenty minute wait, but we were lucky to find a spot to sit, and Justin seemed to understand we had to wait for a table. After he rejected my attempts to entertain him with my phone we sat in companionable silence, his vocal stims punctuating the semi-chaos around us, with nobody seeming to mind.<\/p>\n
One of the many reasons I love this town.<\/p>\n
Within half an hour we were seated, and then the true test for Justin began as we waited forty minutes for our food. After twenty he kept pushing my hand to touch the one menu left on the table (Mommy is magic and will get me fed!), but I was able to keep him calm, and eventually the food came.<\/p>\n
He ate all of his and half of mine, but the kid deserved it.<\/p>\n
I was already feeling this day was a victory as Justin had waited in two separate places for over an hour for his food and not had a meltdown, but we weren\u2019t done yet.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s when I found out some kind souls had picked up our check for us. When I wanted to thank them, our server told us they were already gone.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve heard of things like this happening in our town before. My mom had this gracious effort extended to her once at Friday\u2019s when she was with Justin, and again, she was unable to thank her patron as she had left. I will tell you it brought tears to my eyes, and I wondered what they were thinking. Did they believe I was a single mom trying to share a successful meal with my boy on Mother\u2019s Day?<\/p>\n
Did they have a relative with autism?<\/p>\n
Were they just awesome people?<\/p>\n
I know at least the latter was true.<\/p>\n
I will tell you that this act of kindness meant a great deal to me, in large part due to the fact that someone had truly seen me and my boy. Over the years as I\u2019ve continued to bring Justin out into the community I can tell you honestly I have had very few uncomfortable experiences with strangers. Justin has had meltdowns when we\u2019ve been out, but more often than not if I\u2019ve had any interaction with anyone it\u2019s been where they\u2019ve been offering me assistance, not commentary on my parenting.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been lucky, I know.<\/p>\n
But the truth is I often feel invisible when we\u2019re out together. Justin has vocal stims and physical tics, and it\u2019s obvious within seconds of looking at my boy that he\u2019s not from the neurotypical tribe. I would say that most of the time when I\u2019m out with him if I make eye contact with anyone their eyes quickly slide away. On a few occasions I get a smile, but more often than not it\u2019s like we\u2019re just not there.<\/p>\n
Trust me, it hasn\u2019t devastated me, I\u2019ve had far more important things to worry about. But just once in a while, it\u2019s nice to have that moment of recognition with a stranger. It\u2019s just nice to be seen.<\/p>\n
And that Sunday, we were seen.<\/p>\n
And it felt great.<\/p>\n
On the slight chance that whoever did this for us is reading this blog, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You made my Mother\u2019s Day, and made Justin\u2019s day even more special.<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t thank you enough.<\/p>\n
And I can\u2019t wait to pay it forward myself.<\/p>\n
For more on my family visit my blog at autismmommytherapist.wordpress.com<\/em><\/p>\n Follow me on Facebook at Autism Mommy-Therapist<\/em><\/p>\n