{"id":16967,"date":"2020-09-16T09:14:41","date_gmt":"2020-09-16T13:14:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shorebeat.com\/brick\/?p=16967"},"modified":"2020-09-17T05:00:26","modified_gmt":"2020-09-17T09:00:26","slug":"our-best-selves","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/2020\/09\/our-best-selves\/","title":{"rendered":"Grade 12: A Son’s Autism and Our Best Selves"},"content":{"rendered":"
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The reality hit me from the email I received from Justin\u2019s case manager yesterday. It included a letter introducing herself to the \u201cnewbies\u201d in our town who are sending their children to Justin\u2019s private autism school for the first time, and a reminder to the \u201coldies\u201d that fortunately she would be sticking around again this year. I almost missed it as my eyes quickly went to the meat of the message to make sure she wasn\u2019t being replaced, but eventually they returned to the top; under \u201cstudent name\u201d the words \u201cgrade 12\u201d were prominently placed.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Grade 12. It is Justin\u2019s senior year.<\/p>\n

When I was carrying him, this really isn\u2019t how I thought it would go.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Of course six months ago I didn\u2019t think we\u2019d be embroiled in a world pandemic that would last six months and have no forseeable ending, so maybe my powers of prediction aren\u2019t that strong. I will tell you however that I never thought the child I was carrying would be spending his senior year in an autism school, not contemplating prom nor SAT prep nor driving.<\/p>\n

Perhaps I don\u2019t mourn the latter quite so much.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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There are people in the community who would berate me for mourning these things almost two decades after his birth, perhaps lamenting that I don\u2019t accept and revel in him as he is. Frankly, I say that is ridiculous. We are so connected, this child of mine who made me a mom. It\u2019s okay to be sad he won\u2019t have those choices, because for me it\u2019s really about the lack of those choices, to love, to learn in college, and to drive to his girlfriend\u2019s house. It is okay to wish he had these options.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t believe it\u2019s okay to be so distraught with grieving seventeen years later that I can\u2019t help him be his best self, or enjoy him for who he is. And I\u2019ve worked really hard over the years to get to that place.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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I have shelved those losses, but I admit I haven\u2019t shelved them all. I will never be at peace with the fact that I must likely won\u2019t be here his whole life to love and shelter him, to keep him safe. Will he have a brother and cousins to help him carry out that sacred task? Absolutely. Will it ever be enough to give me peace of mind? Absolutely not.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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That ache, that worry and concern, will never fade for me.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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I have found over the course of living with autism and all its adventures for seventeen years that probably some of the biggest factors in having a safe, happy and productive autism family are being able to admit fears and concerns, accept your child\u2019s strengths and limitations, and taking small steps constantly to solicit their best selves. If you can do those things while simultaneously being kind to yourself as you work through the myriad of challenges you will face as a family, you have a much better chance at a safe and happy family.<\/p>\n

For more on my family visit my blog at autismmommytherapist.wordpress.com<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Follow me on Facebook at Autism Mommy-Therapist<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The reality hit me from the email I received from Justin\u2019s case manager yesterday. It included a letter introducing herself to the \u201cnewbies\u201d in our town who are sending their children to Justin\u2019s private autism school for the first time, and a reminder to the \u201coldies\u201d that fortunately she would be sticking around again this […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":196,"featured_media":16968,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[293,295,294,4201],"class_list":["post-16967","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-in-brick","tag-autism","tag-autism-acceptance","tag-autism-awareness","tag-severe-autism"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/April-Play-Walk-2012-031-scaled.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pgt2Ft-4pF","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16967","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/196"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16967"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16967\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16968"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16967"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16967"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16967"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}