{"id":3836,"date":"2015-03-09T14:27:53","date_gmt":"2015-03-09T18:27:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shorebeat.com\/brick\/?p=3836"},"modified":"2015-03-10T00:06:00","modified_gmt":"2015-03-10T04:06:00","slug":"wanting-more","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/2015\/03\/wanting-more\/","title":{"rendered":"Wanting More"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"099\"<\/a><\/p>\n

He brushes by me, my eldest son, swatting away the proffered riding helmet held in my outstretched hand. He is singular in his intent, striding over to the woman in the corner with a smile that\u2019s taken over his entire face.<\/p>\n

I watch, mesmerized, as my son purposefully approaches a stranger, an action so alien to him my breath catches in my throat.<\/p>\n

He pauses in front of her, gazes deeply into her eyes, and rests his head on her chest. I watch as his arm encircles her waist.<\/p>\n

She is charmed I can see, only breaks the connection when her adult daughter comes back into the waiting area and slips her arm around her mom.<\/p>\n

Justin takes a step back, then emits a loud \u201ceee\u201d as he grabs each of their outer arms with one of his hands.<\/p>\n

He smiles ebulliently and looks back and forth into their eyes, communicating his joy at his upcoming horseback riding lesson with every inch of his being.<\/p>\n

I am still, watching this new milestone unfold. My son, who is severely autistic and mostly non-verbal, has drawn two people he doesn\u2019t know into his coveted inner circle as I watch in wonder. All too soon the spell is broken, with the women moving on and Justin searching for juice. We move on to our own car, the two of us. I am touched by this exchange, but left wanting more.<\/p>\n

I am left wanting so much more.<\/p>\n

Not for the first time nor for the last time am I left wondering what is going on in that beautiful brain.<\/p>\n

I know until the end of my days I will be left wanting to know his thoughts, his fears, his joys. I\u2019m grateful for what he can express. I\u2019m grateful for what we \u201cjust get\u201d without him having to say a word.<\/p>\n

But just once I\u2019d like a sentence, a phrase, a sentiment expressed in words or typed.<\/p>\n

I want more. It is a wish I keep hidden away, often too painful to contemplate.<\/p>\n

He turns and kisses me as he enters the car, his smile sweetening the moment.<\/p>\n

And I wonder, as I rev the engine to life, if I will ever get my wish.<\/p>\n

For more on my family visit my blog at autismmommytherapist.wordpress.com\/
\nFollow me on Facebook at Autism Mommy-Therapist
\n<\/i><\/p>\n

<\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

He brushes by me, my eldest son, swatting away the proffered riding helmet held in my outstretched hand. He is singular in his intent, striding over to the woman in the corner with a smile that\u2019s taken over his entire face. I watch, mesmerized, as my son purposefully approaches a stranger, an action so alien […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":196,"featured_media":3838,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4,12],"tags":[293,295,294,1062],"class_list":["post-3836","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-in-brick","category-ocean-county","tag-autism","tag-autism-acceptance","tag-autism-awareness","tag-therapeutic-horseback-riding"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/099.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pgt2Ft-ZS","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3836","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/196"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3836"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3836\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3838"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3836"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3836"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shorebeat.com\/brick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3836"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}